I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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