distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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