Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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