my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
