I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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