I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
