Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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