I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
