so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
