Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
