There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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