Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
