Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
