so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
