cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
