and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
