Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
