woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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