i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
