My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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