I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you never un-have a 4some
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
