Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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