I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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