So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
