Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm getting married
To pizza
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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