Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
