My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my sisters under your porch take her home
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
