Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I pour the whiskey from now on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
