This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
