but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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