All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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