wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
