I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
