My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
