I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
