My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
