i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
