so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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