OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize