I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
