His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
