At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
