Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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