I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize