oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
