my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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