The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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