My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
