so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
