Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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