Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
