Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
