We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
