my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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