Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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