my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
