oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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