oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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