I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
