My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
