Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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