girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
