I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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