I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
