there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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