I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
