After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
