More tranny stories later!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
