The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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