hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
