How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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