So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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