I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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