Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
