apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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