you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
