I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
