If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
