I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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